Don’t listen to any of them- or actually, listen to some of them, but be selective, and listen to your heart when choosing. Then, whatever you hear, take it all with a grain of salt, no matter what it is or how it resonates. Mentor/coach/preacher/bishop/shaman, same fucking difference zoomed out far enough, at the end of the day it’s semantics. So whatever you do, just don’t listen to anyone who asks you, or tells you to be anything less than you are, or that you know you have the potential to be! Because you can be whatever you want! Some things are just harder to attain for some people than others, based on their genetic makeup, life experiences, & etc. Gauging the return on investment, in putting in the necessary work to accomplish a goal is the first step. It can be hard, but like everything else worth doing in life, practice makes permanent. And with a positive mindset & optimistic attitude, it’s always worth it!!!
Practicing being present- looking into your own heart and revealing your own personal truths – Now that’s where our most authentic journeys begin!
“I prefer to be true to myself, even at the hazard of incurring the ridicule of others, rather than to be false, and to incur my own abhorrence.” ~Frederick Douglass
ACT NOW THINK SECOND : ANTS – It’s that simple, a thought as small as an ant, but it works wonders, if used for attacking the things that will serve you! Let me explain.
ANTS is a mind trick you can play on yourself, to get you from knowing what you need to do, to feel good, but doing nothing about it. ANTS actually KICKSTARTS THAT ENGINE, & WITH POWERFUL FORCE at that! It does require a bit of effort, but with practice, it gets easier, & perhaps in time even become a new and healthy habit! I try to use ANTS in my life, on the daily, & there are many ways & different scenarios where it works, but here’s a recent example of me putting it to use.
I’d been super busy with work and social events, so much so that my apartment was a disaster, with dishes piled high, the entire place needing a good cleaning, & a laundry situation that looked pretty much hopeless. I knew what I had to do in order to feel good, happy, content & cozy in my place: I had to do all the chores! All of them!! But being weighed down with the fatigue of working 60+ hours a week, on top of my grueling workout schedule & other commitments, all I wanted to do when I got home was to ignore the mess, turn around & go to the bar!
This is where all my practice of ANTS threw me into gear. I turned off my brain and became a literal tornado. I gathered all the laundry in the world, threw a book & detergent into my bag, & was out the door in a flash. After putting all the laundry into washers, I started reading the book I’d brought to keep my mind from wandering to how much I didn’t want to be at the “Washboard”, & even more so from how much I’d prefer just dropping the laundry at home when finished & hitting the bar, ignoring all the other chores in the world.
Before I knew it I was home with my 100 lbs of laundry, but it was all clean! I dumped it onto my bed and then b-lined it to my kitchen. Acting instead of thinking, debating, or rationalizing, I did all the dishes and cleaned off all the kitchen and front room surfaces. Once complete I pulled out the vacuum and went to town! I had seriously worked up a sweat at this point, but this is one of the instances where momentum actually does serve you. I was starting to feel really good and accomplished, and infinitely more so than if I was at the bar, throwing back drinks, dreading the shit hole I was going to go home to that night!
Once the apartment was vacuumed, I went straight back to my bedroom and began folding & putting away my laundry. Once again, I didn’t let myself think about how much I hated doing laundry, because I was neck deep in my LIFE HACK of: ACTING NOW & THINKING SECOND!!! The mind trick is convincing yourself that you’re not taking away you want, or desire, to think about what you’re doing, and giving yourself a chance to decide whether or not you actually want to, because we’re using ANTS only for the times where we know it’s IN OUR BEST INTEREST to do the things that we’re trying to talk ourselves out of doing. We get to tell ourselves, in a split second: “Look self, you are allowed to think about how bad laundry & all the chores in the world sucks, and even debate with yourself on whether or not you’re actually going to do it, but not until after we do the thing! ACT NOW THINK SECOND! It may sound silly, but it’s been working for me for years, whenever I actually take my own advice that is! AND GUESS WHAT?
–> YOU’LL NEVER REGRET IT <–
So if you’re laying down, sit up! If you’re sitting up, stand up! And get ready for this: Some people are stuck in a mindset of “who knows what the future holds”, and while that’s partially true, its a defeating perspective if taken at 100%. Because the choices you make today are the building blocks of your tomorrow!!! What are you creating?!! What if I told you that YOU CAN CREATE YOUR OWN FUTURE?! Well, YOU ABSOLUTELY CAN! Act Now Think Second! I did, I do & I will continue to do so forever! I’ve promised myself that I will continue creating the most epic version of myself for as long as I’m fortunate enough to be alive! And YOU CAN TOO!!!
Let’s all get out there and practice ANTS!!! And let’s keep practicing until its permanent!
Looking back at that last decade has got me feeling a bit shell shocked, but thankfully it’s net positive. I’ve ebbed and flowed, thankfully more of the latter than the former, even though I’ve been ebbing what feels like the majority of this year. It’s ok though. 2020 is gonna be fucking awesome! And it’s gonna be awesome because we’re all going to MAKE IT so. EYE am going to make it so. I WILL get back on track. I am presently getting back on track. And I will BE GRATEFUL FOR THE ENTIRE PROCESS. I will remember it’s not about being perfect, but IT IS ABOUT BEING PRESENT for each of my priceless moments I’m lucky enough to be alive, conscious & well!
To be a little more clear about getting back on track- I’m specifically referring to my physical fitness goals. And the reasons I’m so obsessed with physical fitness are plenty, but the overarching theme being A HEALTHY BODY MAKES FOR A HEALTHY MIND. It’s science, & my mind needs all the help it can get! 😅
A little more about the process, the journey, & progression: What if we were all born Spartans, and we didn’t have to do anything to achieve our bodies optimal fitness levels? As great as that may sound on the outside, I believe it would absolutely suck. It would suck because if we didn’t have to do any work, we’d be robbed of the process. We’d be robbed of our own personal fitness journey’s. And what a shame that would be! Watching ourselves, & feeling ourselves make progress, produces the beautifully visceral feelings of pride, happiness, excitement, and peace of mind! And who doesn’t want those things?
So in 2020, don’t be scared of hard work and determination. Sometimes things you want take a seriously long ass time, & consistency, to create. But the harder it is, and the longer you have to fight for it, the better you’ll feel when you finally get there!!! Peace out 2019, thanks for everything! And hey 2020, it’s so good to see you!!!
LET’S BE REAL. Guess what? We are ALL always REAL. When people call another human fake, it’s rude, and it’s simplifying super complex situations and usually otherwise beautiful beings. We can’t ever know what another person has been through, let alone what they’re currently going through. Not at all, not one bit! And even if you’ve heard their life story, from their very lips, everyone experiences things differently and everything affects everyone at different niveaus.
It isn’t fake when someone acts in a way outside of their “norm”, or the assumed norm, or YOUR norm. It’s actually a REAL person using a defense mechanism, saying things, and behaving in ways we like to label as “two faced”. But it’s because they are embarrassed, or ashamed, or in serious pain, OR, more than likely, a combination of ALL OF THE ABOVE. But they’re still themselves, they are real, but they are in distress and therefore acting in a way that doesn’t serve their ultimate purpose or real intentions.
So LET’S BE KIND TO PEOPLE OK?! Let’s GIVE THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT, let’s FORGIVE one another, let’s try harder to BEUNDERSTANDING, let’s realize most everyone is trying the best that they can. So let’s BESOFT & KIND in our interactions with people who have hurt us. Hurt people hurt people, but I’m not saying that that is okay.
What I AM SAYING is just realize that judging people, making assumptions, thinking you “know” the whole situation, or what’s going on, is what’s actually fake. Because more than likely what you’ve fabricated in your brain is far from the truth.
Let’s all remember to be more soft & kind with one another, and especially with those who we don’t think “deserve” softness or kindness. Because just think about it- It’s those people who need softness, understanding & kindness the most y’all. 💙💛
We all want things. And very often the things that we want will change with time. What we desire will morph & evolve, how much we desire will ebb & flow, but there are two constants in all of this:
1) WE ALL WANT THINGS.
2) YOU GET WHAT YOU GIVE.
It sounds so simple when put like that, but we all know that’s not the case. It’s always easier said than done, as they say. But let’s explore number two further and we can discuss number one another day. I’m going to go on a tear, listing out all kinds of examples to solidify what I’m attempting to instill into y’all’s brains, in a minute, but before I do I’m going to preface with the following.
THERE ARE ALWAYS EXCEPTIONS TO THE RULES! There’s exceptions to exceptions to the rules. And it’s easy to get lost in a mindset of “hey, I’m giving it my all, how come the universe hasn’t delivered the thing(s) I’m working so hard for?! This ‘get what you give’ stuff must be a bunch of bullshit!” But IT’S NOT BULLSHIT, and if you find yourself slipping into that frame of thought, SNAP OUT OF IT! THINGS TAKE TIME. For a quick example, if you aren’t in the physical shape that you’d like to be in, you can’t just jump into some random fad diet & then wonder two weeks later why you haven’t made any progress, or attained any of your new fitness goals. It just doesn’t usually work that way with getting what you give. You need to GIVE ENOUGH TIME TO GET WHAT YOU WANT!! As for the example above, and with most situations in life, it’s complex! There’s several reasons why in our example person was met with failure, besides just not giving it time. But time is the most important variable in all of this. Doing the homework & research, being present, being vulnerable & open, putting in infinite amounts of effort, being malleable and sharing your process with others, specifically those you love in your life, are all other super important variables in getting what you give as well. Simply put, if you want to squeeze as much delicious juice out of the fruit of life as you possibly can my friends, then you’ve got to GIVE IT YOUR ALL, AND THEN SOME!!!
• If you want to be HAPPY more often, get out into the world and make others happy!
• If you want HONESTY & open COMMUNICATION in your relationships, then always be honest & open, don’t hold back! LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO HOLD BACK!!
• If you want a raise at your job, then do the job that’s worth the pay you’re looking for, or more! Also SPEAK THE FUCK UP! People can’t be expected to, and generally aren’t going to read our minds. So make what you want known!
• If you want to CHANGE YOUR LIFE, start now! GIVE YOURSELF THE GIFT OF BEGINNING! Who cares where you start, just make the conscious choice to get the ball rolling! Make your change begin, stay kind with yourself and remember things take time!
• If you want to feel your ENDORPHINS rush from your workout, then push yourself harder than you think you can and don’t give up! Give it your all and when your brain screams “I can’t”, listen to your heart & it will tell you “YES YOU CAN!!!“!
• If you want to feel loved and appreciated, LOVE and APPRECIATE the people in your life!
• If you want to become the best & MOST EPIC VERSION OF YOURSELF that is humanly possible, before your time is up, YOU HAVE TO GIVE IT ALL YOU’VE GOT!! And there’s always more inside of us, ALWAYS!!!
If you want to be a WINNER in your life, you absolutely have to expose yourself to the possibility of failing. If you want to be a winner you have to remember that winners are usually the people that have “failed” the most. But with each failure they made a conscious decision to continue trying, to try harder, to give it their all, AGAIN & AGAIN!!! WINNERS UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF TIME & EFFORT. Winners at life have the title of this blurb embedded in their hearts, minds, and souls y’all.
YOU GET WHAT YOU GIVE, at your job, at the gym, in your relationships with yourself, your friends, your loved ones, in regards to personal growth, & basically in every single aspect of your life.
We’ve all hear that “Patience is a virtue”, but we’ve also heard “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results”. If winners are indeed the ones who keep trying, over and over again, after each “failure”, or setback, are THEY actually insane?! Or is it not insane to keep doing the same thing, over and over, expecting different results after all??!! What a confusing couple of “truths”…
As a psychiatrist, patience is an invaluable skill that I teach all my psychotherapy clients. In my new book I emphasize the importance of patience as a coping skill and how to achieve it. Frustration is not the key to any door. Patience is a lifelong spiritual practice as well as a way to find emotional freedom.
We need a new bumper sticker: FRUSTRATION HAPPENS. Every morning, noon, and night there are plenty of good reasons to be impatient. Another long line. Telemarketers. A goal isn’t materializing “fast enough.” People don’t do what they’re supposed to. Rejection. Disappointment. How to deal with it all? You can drive yourself crazy, behave irritably, feel victimized, or try to force an outcome–all self-defeating reactions that alienate others and bring out the worst in them. Or, you can learn to transform frustration with patience.
Patience doesn’t mean passivity or resignation, but power. It’s an emotionally freeing practice of waiting, watching, and knowing when to act. I want to give patience a twenty-first-century makeover so you’ll appreciate its worth. Patience has gotten a bad rap for the wrong reasons. To many people, when you say, “Have patience,” it feels unreasonable and inhibiting, an unfair stalling of aspirations, some Victorian hang-up or hangover. Is this what you’re thinking? Well, reconsider. I’m presenting patience as a form of compassion, a re-attuning to intuition, a way to emotionally redeem your center in a world filled with frustration.
To frustrate means to obstruct or make ineffectual. Frustration is a feeling of agitation and intolerance triggered when your needs aren’t met; it’s tied to an inability to delay gratification. At our own risk, we’ve become too used to immediate results. Emails zip across the globe in seconds. Parents text messages to their kids to come in for dinner instead of yelling from a front porch. You can get the temperature in Kuala Lumpur or the Malibu Beach surf report with a click of a mouse. Despite the digital age’s marvels, it has propagated an emotional zeitgeist with a low tolerance for frustration–not just when you accidentally delete a computer file, but in terms of how you approach relationships and yourself. Without patience, you turn into your own worst taskmaster. You treat spouses and friends as disposable instead of devoting the necessary time to nurture love. But with patience, you’re able to step back and regroup instead of aggressively reacting or hastily giving up on someone who’s frustrating you. You’re able to invest meaningful time in a relationship without giving up or giving in. In fact, patience gives you the liberating breath you’ve always longed to take.
Frustration prevents emotional freedom. Expressing frustrations in an effort to resolve them is healthy, but it must be done from a non-irritable, non-hostile place. If not, you’ll put others on the defensive. Wallowing in frustration leads to endless dissatisfaction, placing us at odds with life. This emotion makes us tense, kills our sense of humor. It also leads to procrastination; we put things off to avoid the annoyances involved. Conquering frustration will revive your emotional life by making it your choice how you handle daily hassles and stresses.
I’m defining patience as an active state, a choice to hold tight until intuition says, “make your move.” It means waiting your turn, knowing your turn will come. Once you’ve gone all out toward a goal, it entails trusting the flow, knowing when to let the soup boil. With patience, you’re able to delay gratification, but doing so will make sense and feel right. Why? Intuition intelligently informs patience. It’ll convey when to have it and if something is worth working on or waiting for. As a psychiatrist, I’m besotted with patience because it’s intimately intuitive, all about perfect timing, the key to making breakthroughs with patients. I can have the sharpest intuitions or psychological insights, but if I don’t share them at the right moment, they can do damage or else go in one ear and out the other. With regard to this, I strive for enormous patience; anything less would impede healing.
I’m also struck by the fact that every world religion sees patience as a way to know God, an incentive for me to practice it, and perhaps you too. Whereas frustration focuses on externals, patience is a drawing inward towards a greater wisdom. Lastly, patience doesn’t make you a doormat or unable to set boundaries with people. Rather, it lets you intuit the situation to get a larger, more loving view to determine right action. Patience, a gift when given or received, moves within reach when you can read someone’s deeper motives.
To practice patience, try this exercise from my New York Times bestseller, Emotional Freedom. I do it all time to turn frustration around in long lines. I advise my patients to do this too.
Emotional Action Step. Practice Patience In A Long Line
To turn the tables on frustration, find a long, slow-moving line to wait in. Perhaps in the grocery store, bank, post office. Or if you’re renewing your driver’s license, dare to take on the mother of all lines in the DMV. But here’s the switch: Instead of getting irritated or pushy, which taxes your system with a rush of stress hormones, take a breath. Tell yourself, “I’m going to wait peacefully and enjoy the pause.” Meanwhile, try to empathize with the overwrought cashier or government employee. Smile and say a few nice words to the other beleaguered people in line. Use the time to daydream; take a vacation from work or other obligations. Notice the stress release you feel, how your body relaxes. Lines are an excellent testing ground for patience. To strengthen this asset, I highly recommend standing in as many as possible.
Practicing patience will help you dissipate stress and give you a choice about how you respond to disappointment and frustration. When you can stay calm, centered and not act rashly out of frustration, all areas of your life will improve.
Our lives are what we make of them y’all. We are all absolutely the creators of our own universes. So let’s all just add an extra dose of patience into our daily lives- I bet the results will be otherworldly!!