LET’S BE REAL. Guess what? We are ALL always REAL. When people call another human fake, it’s rude, and it’s simplifying super complex situations and usually otherwise beautiful beings. We can’t ever know what another person has been through, let alone what they’re currently going through. Not at all, not one bit! And even if you’ve heard their life story, from their very lips, everyone experiences things differently and everything affects everyone at different niveaus.
It isn’t fake when someone acts in a way outside of their “norm”, or the assumed norm, or YOUR norm. It’s actually a REAL person using a defense mechanism, saying things, and behaving in ways we like to label as “two faced”. But it’s because they are embarrassed, or ashamed, or in serious pain, OR, more than likely, a combination of ALL OF THE ABOVE. But they’re still themselves, they are real, but they are in distress and therefore acting in a way that doesn’t serve their ultimate purpose or real intentions.
So LET’S BE KIND TO PEOPLE OK?! Let’s GIVE THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT, let’s FORGIVE one another, let’s try harder to BEUNDERSTANDING, let’s realize most everyone is trying the best that they can. So let’s BESOFT & KIND in our interactions with people who have hurt us. Hurt people hurt people, but I’m not saying that that is okay.
What I AM SAYING is just realize that judging people, making assumptions, thinking you “know” the whole situation, or what’s going on, is what’s actually fake. Because more than likely what you’ve fabricated in your brain is far from the truth.
Let’s all remember to be more soft & kind with one another, and especially with those who we don’t think “deserve” softness or kindness. Because just think about it- It’s those people who need softness, understanding & kindness the most y’all. 💙💛
We all want things. And very often the things that we want will change with time. What we desire will morph & evolve, how much we desire will ebb & flow, but there are two constants in all of this:
1) WE ALL WANT THINGS.
2) YOU GET WHAT YOU GIVE.
It sounds so simple when put like that, but we all know that’s not the case. It’s always easier said than done, as they say. But let’s explore number two further and we can discuss number one another day. I’m going to go on a tear, listing out all kinds of examples to solidify what I’m attempting to instill into y’all’s brains, in a minute, but before I do I’m going to preface with the following.
THERE ARE ALWAYS EXCEPTIONS TO THE RULES! There’s exceptions to exceptions to the rules. And it’s easy to get lost in a mindset of “hey, I’m giving it my all, how come the universe hasn’t delivered the thing(s) I’m working so hard for?! This ‘get what you give’ stuff must be a bunch of bullshit!” But IT’S NOT BULLSHIT, and if you find yourself slipping into that frame of thought, SNAP OUT OF IT! THINGS TAKE TIME. For a quick example, if you aren’t in the physical shape that you’d like to be in, you can’t just jump into some random fad diet & then wonder two weeks later why you haven’t made any progress, or attained any of your new fitness goals. It just doesn’t usually work that way with getting what you give. You need to GIVE ENOUGH TIME TO GET WHAT YOU WANT!! As for the example above, and with most situations in life, it’s complex! There’s several reasons why in our example person was met with failure, besides just not giving it time. But time is the most important variable in all of this. Doing the homework & research, being present, being vulnerable & open, putting in infinite amounts of effort, being malleable and sharing your process with others, specifically those you love in your life, are all other super important variables in getting what you give as well. Simply put, if you want to squeeze as much delicious juice out of the fruit of life as you possibly can my friends, then you’ve got to GIVE IT YOUR ALL, AND THEN SOME!!!
• If you want to be HAPPY more often, get out into the world and make others happy!
• If you want HONESTY & open COMMUNICATION in your relationships, then always be honest & open, don’t hold back! LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO HOLD BACK!!
• If you want a raise at your job, then do the job that’s worth the pay you’re looking for, or more! Also SPEAK THE FUCK UP! People can’t be expected to, and generally aren’t going to read our minds. So make what you want known!
• If you want to CHANGE YOUR LIFE, start now! GIVE YOURSELF THE GIFT OF BEGINNING! Who cares where you start, just make the conscious choice to get the ball rolling! Make your change begin, stay kind with yourself and remember things take time!
• If you want to feel your ENDORPHINS rush from your workout, then push yourself harder than you think you can and don’t give up! Give it your all and when your brain screams “I can’t”, listen to your heart & it will tell you “YES YOU CAN!!!“!
• If you want to feel loved and appreciated, LOVE and APPRECIATE the people in your life!
• If you want to become the best & MOST EPIC VERSION OF YOURSELF that is humanly possible, before your time is up, YOU HAVE TO GIVE IT ALL YOU’VE GOT!! And there’s always more inside of us, ALWAYS!!!
If you want to be a WINNER in your life, you absolutely have to expose yourself to the possibility of failing. If you want to be a winner you have to remember that winners are usually the people that have “failed” the most. But with each failure they made a conscious decision to continue trying, to try harder, to give it their all, AGAIN & AGAIN!!! WINNERS UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF TIME & EFFORT. Winners at life have the title of this blurb embedded in their hearts, minds, and souls y’all.
YOU GET WHAT YOU GIVE, at your job, at the gym, in your relationships with yourself, your friends, your loved ones, in regards to personal growth, & basically in every single aspect of your life.
We’ve all hear that “Patience is a virtue”, but we’ve also heard “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results”. If winners are indeed the ones who keep trying, over and over again, after each “failure”, or setback, are THEY actually insane?! Or is it not insane to keep doing the same thing, over and over, expecting different results after all??!! What a confusing couple of “truths”…
As a psychiatrist, patience is an invaluable skill that I teach all my psychotherapy clients. In my new book I emphasize the importance of patience as a coping skill and how to achieve it. Frustration is not the key to any door. Patience is a lifelong spiritual practice as well as a way to find emotional freedom.
We need a new bumper sticker: FRUSTRATION HAPPENS. Every morning, noon, and night there are plenty of good reasons to be impatient. Another long line. Telemarketers. A goal isn’t materializing “fast enough.” People don’t do what they’re supposed to. Rejection. Disappointment. How to deal with it all? You can drive yourself crazy, behave irritably, feel victimized, or try to force an outcome–all self-defeating reactions that alienate others and bring out the worst in them. Or, you can learn to transform frustration with patience.
Patience doesn’t mean passivity or resignation, but power. It’s an emotionally freeing practice of waiting, watching, and knowing when to act. I want to give patience a twenty-first-century makeover so you’ll appreciate its worth. Patience has gotten a bad rap for the wrong reasons. To many people, when you say, “Have patience,” it feels unreasonable and inhibiting, an unfair stalling of aspirations, some Victorian hang-up or hangover. Is this what you’re thinking? Well, reconsider. I’m presenting patience as a form of compassion, a re-attuning to intuition, a way to emotionally redeem your center in a world filled with frustration.
To frustrate means to obstruct or make ineffectual. Frustration is a feeling of agitation and intolerance triggered when your needs aren’t met; it’s tied to an inability to delay gratification. At our own risk, we’ve become too used to immediate results. Emails zip across the globe in seconds. Parents text messages to their kids to come in for dinner instead of yelling from a front porch. You can get the temperature in Kuala Lumpur or the Malibu Beach surf report with a click of a mouse. Despite the digital age’s marvels, it has propagated an emotional zeitgeist with a low tolerance for frustration–not just when you accidentally delete a computer file, but in terms of how you approach relationships and yourself. Without patience, you turn into your own worst taskmaster. You treat spouses and friends as disposable instead of devoting the necessary time to nurture love. But with patience, you’re able to step back and regroup instead of aggressively reacting or hastily giving up on someone who’s frustrating you. You’re able to invest meaningful time in a relationship without giving up or giving in. In fact, patience gives you the liberating breath you’ve always longed to take.
Frustration prevents emotional freedom. Expressing frustrations in an effort to resolve them is healthy, but it must be done from a non-irritable, non-hostile place. If not, you’ll put others on the defensive. Wallowing in frustration leads to endless dissatisfaction, placing us at odds with life. This emotion makes us tense, kills our sense of humor. It also leads to procrastination; we put things off to avoid the annoyances involved. Conquering frustration will revive your emotional life by making it your choice how you handle daily hassles and stresses.
I’m defining patience as an active state, a choice to hold tight until intuition says, “make your move.” It means waiting your turn, knowing your turn will come. Once you’ve gone all out toward a goal, it entails trusting the flow, knowing when to let the soup boil. With patience, you’re able to delay gratification, but doing so will make sense and feel right. Why? Intuition intelligently informs patience. It’ll convey when to have it and if something is worth working on or waiting for. As a psychiatrist, I’m besotted with patience because it’s intimately intuitive, all about perfect timing, the key to making breakthroughs with patients. I can have the sharpest intuitions or psychological insights, but if I don’t share them at the right moment, they can do damage or else go in one ear and out the other. With regard to this, I strive for enormous patience; anything less would impede healing.
I’m also struck by the fact that every world religion sees patience as a way to know God, an incentive for me to practice it, and perhaps you too. Whereas frustration focuses on externals, patience is a drawing inward towards a greater wisdom. Lastly, patience doesn’t make you a doormat or unable to set boundaries with people. Rather, it lets you intuit the situation to get a larger, more loving view to determine right action. Patience, a gift when given or received, moves within reach when you can read someone’s deeper motives.
To practice patience, try this exercise from my New York Times bestseller, Emotional Freedom. I do it all time to turn frustration around in long lines. I advise my patients to do this too.
Emotional Action Step. Practice Patience In A Long Line
To turn the tables on frustration, find a long, slow-moving line to wait in. Perhaps in the grocery store, bank, post office. Or if you’re renewing your driver’s license, dare to take on the mother of all lines in the DMV. But here’s the switch: Instead of getting irritated or pushy, which taxes your system with a rush of stress hormones, take a breath. Tell yourself, “I’m going to wait peacefully and enjoy the pause.” Meanwhile, try to empathize with the overwrought cashier or government employee. Smile and say a few nice words to the other beleaguered people in line. Use the time to daydream; take a vacation from work or other obligations. Notice the stress release you feel, how your body relaxes. Lines are an excellent testing ground for patience. To strengthen this asset, I highly recommend standing in as many as possible.
Practicing patience will help you dissipate stress and give you a choice about how you respond to disappointment and frustration. When you can stay calm, centered and not act rashly out of frustration, all areas of your life will improve.
Our lives are what we make of them y’all. We are all absolutely the creators of our own universes. So let’s all just add an extra dose of patience into our daily lives- I bet the results will be otherworldly!!
Part of me wants to drink, drug, party & live a reckless & bohemian lifestyle. Another part wants to be sober & live a life focused on overall wellness. And I’VE CHOSEN the latter. (Sure there are plenty of lifestyle options in-between those two, but for so many reasons, I’m not interested.)
I want to listen to everyone who tells me I can drink moderately & agree with them. But I also want to tell all of them to go fuck themselves, because they don’t get it. I HAVE CHOSEN to listen to my heart, to be kind to everyone despite their opinions on this matter, and remove myself from any situations that aren’t conducive to my growth and attaining my goals.
I want to have all the free time and just frolic and romp in the hills. I want to work 80+ hours a week to create the life I want in the future. I HAVE CHOSEN to forego some pleasures now, as an investment in a future of more.
I want to run & climb to the top of a mountain and fucking SCREAM! I want to chill in a meadow, have a picnic & read. I HAVE CHOSEN to do both as much as possible!
I want to call a past lover and tell them I think we could make it work! I want to keep distant, & let time & space work its healing magic. IHAVE CHOSEN the latter, though I’m torn down the fucking middle…
I believe everyone is always doing exactly what they want to be doing, even if they say the opposite. If you’re doing something that you say you don’t want to do, that really makes no sense if you think about it! You obviously want to do it more than any other option you’ve identified, for that specific situation, and for whatever reason, but usually because of what your present actions would mean for your future. WHATEVER YOU’RE DOING, IT WAS YOUR CHOICE TO DO IT. Nobody can force you to do anything. And once we realize this and start to take accountability for our actions, acknowledge that we’re all doing what we want to do at every point in time, we can then let go of blame, & live more intentionally, with peace of mind & more self love!
Please understand that I UNDERSTAND and absolutely promote the fact that there are infinite options and paths one can take at any given moment. But for the sake of making a visceral point, & to emphasize the stark contrast of completely conflicting feelings that one can experience, I’ve shared what I’ve shared. Also, I’m an all or nothing kind of guy, so after evaluating a whole slew of options in each of the above micro, or macro topics, I not surprisingly have landed, for the most part, on the two options that were completely opposite, always however, allowing for exceptions to the rules and staying open to a change of heart.
Being completely present with yourself and making decisions can be really really hard, especially when permanence is involved. But we have to make decisions if we want to live intentionally. There are no wrong decisions, but there are many decisions that teach us life lessons which we can use to further grow and progress. I believe that making decisions will not ever produce regret, if one always focuses on positive optimism and & gratitude. What will produce regret is not making decisions and then waking up one day to realize life has passed you by and you are somewhere where you don’t want to be, in a situation you didn’t choose, and so far away from your ultimate potential. But it’s never too late. Don’t ever lose hope. It can always be DAY ONE after-all.
Being present is hard as fuck, but we all have the OPPORTUNITYTO SHOW OURSELVES on the daily, that we are absolutely up for the challenge!
So GET STOKED god damn it! THIS IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF YOUR BEAUTIFUL FUCKING LIFE!!! So SHOW YOURSELF WHAT THAT ACTUALLY MEANS TO YOU! Don’t just get started on working towards your goals- Attack them with a vengeance, like there’s no tomorrow! Don’t just walk up your mountain- Fucking SPRINT up it! How much can you level yourself up, body, mind, & soul, before your precious time is up?! Don’t just ask the question- SHOW YOURSELF! We can’t ever know if we’ll still be around a second from now, let alone whether or not there will even be a tomorrow; So MAKE THIS ONE, THIS DAY, COUNT!!!
Get out there and LIVE YOUR ONE BEAUTIFUL LIFE! But live it INTENTIONALLY, with FIRE, with PASSION, & with a heart full of GRATITUDE! You’ve been gifted this ONE PRICELESS CHANCE, so don’t squander it! However you have been living your life, guess what? There’s always room to grow, you can always get stronger, you can always learn more, you can always be more grateful, you can always live more intentionally, and you can always treat every single day you’re gifted as DAY ONE, THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF YOUR BEAUTIFUL LIFE!!!
LET’S KILL IT AT LIFE Y’ALL! It’s a choice, and I choose to live DAY ONE, EVERY SINGLE DAY. Join me!!!
I don’t talk a whole lot about my tattoos, and when I do it’s usually about how much I love them & my artists in general. But every now and then I’m prodded for more information, and however they’re worded all the questions can usually be boiled down to “what do they mean?”, and “do you regret any of them?”. So here’s the answer:
I regret none of them, and quite the contrary, I LOVE THEM ALL!! And they all “mean” something… Suuure! Even if the meaning of that one tattoo was that I was really drunk, picked something off the wall, pointed to my leg and said “put it there!”. On the other hand, if it was a “well thought out” sleeve that took years to create, what was behind all of that?? So so much, or perhaps so so little… Plenty of friend tats, spontaneous ink, & ink just for the sake of ink.
At the end of the day though, every drop of ink on my body tells a STORY, a story which some would call worthwhile & others worthless. Whichever is the case for you, I could still rattle your ears off for days about what’s going on on my body, but I shall spare you. I do however have one point to get across.
Life is too short for regrets! I believe if you wallow in regret, of the things you’ve done in your past, then you regret the person you are today. Because your collective past choices and life experiences have made what you are currently today! Think about that! I have, I do constantly, & I have no regrets! Don’t get me wrong, I have unlimited “learning experiences” under my belt, of things that I’ve done which I’m not proud of, but regretting them wouldn’t change the past, it would only poison my future. REGRET WON’T CHANGE THE PAST, IT WILL ONLY POISON YOUR PRESENT & FUTURE LIFE EXPERIENCE.
So whenever I go in for more ink, I’m never wondering if I may regret what I was about to get, in the future, even if I didn’t know what I was going to get yet! When you’re getting blasted, in that current moment, I would argue it’s exactly what you want. So enjoy that snapshot of who you were, for the rest of your life! There’s no productive use in regretting the beautiful permanent memories, & learning experiences that you give to yourself.
So let’s forget about that regret question- it’s not relevant. Let’s replace it with something productive like “did you learn anything from that experience?” And as for that skulls MEANING specifically, feel free to HMU if you wanna know!