Part of me wants to drink, drug, party & live a reckless & bohemian lifestyle. Another part wants to be sober & live a life focused on overall wellness. And I’VE CHOSEN the latter. (Sure there are plenty of lifestyle options in-between those two, but for so many reasons, I’m not interested.)
I want to listen to everyone who tells me I can drink moderately & agree with them. But I also want to tell all of them to go fuck themselves, because they don’t get it. I HAVE CHOSEN to listen to my heart, to be kind to everyone despite their opinions on this matter, and remove myself from any situations that aren’t conducive to my growth and attaining my goals.
I want to have all the free time and just frolic and romp in the hills. I want to work 80+ hours a week to create the life I want in the future. I HAVE CHOSEN to forego some pleasures now, as an investment in a future of more.
I want to run & climb to the top of a mountain and fucking SCREAM! I want to chill in a meadow, have a picnic & read. I HAVE CHOSEN to do both as much as possible!
I want to call a past lover and tell them I think we could make it work! I want to keep distant, & let time & space work its healing magic. I HAVE CHOSEN the latter, though I’m torn down the fucking middle…
I believe everyone is always doing exactly what they want to be doing, even if they say the opposite. If you’re doing something that you say you don’t want to do, that really makes no sense if you think about it! You obviously want to do it more than any other option you’ve identified, for that specific situation, and for whatever reason, but usually because of what your present actions would mean for your future. WHATEVER YOU’RE DOING, IT WAS YOUR CHOICE TO DO IT. Nobody can force you to do anything. And once we realize this and start to take accountability for our actions, acknowledge that we’re all doing what we want to do at every point in time, we can then let go of blame, & live more intentionally, with peace of mind & more self love!
Please understand that I UNDERSTAND and absolutely promote the fact that there are infinite options and paths one can take at any given moment. But for the sake of making a visceral point, & to emphasize the stark contrast of completely conflicting feelings that one can experience, I’ve shared what I’ve shared. Also, I’m an all or nothing kind of guy, so after evaluating a whole slew of options in each of the above micro, or macro topics, I not surprisingly have landed, for the most part, on the two options that were completely opposite, always however, allowing for exceptions to the rules and staying open to a change of heart.
Being completely present with yourself and making decisions can be really really hard, especially when permanence is involved. But we have to make decisions if we want to live intentionally. There are no wrong decisions, but there are many decisions that teach us life lessons which we can use to further grow and progress. I believe that making decisions will not ever produce regret, if one always focuses on positive optimism and & gratitude. What will produce regret is not making decisions and then waking up one day to realize life has passed you by and you are somewhere where you don’t want to be, in a situation you didn’t choose, and so far away from your ultimate potential. But it’s never too late. Don’t ever lose hope. It can always be DAY ONE after-all.
Being present is hard as fuck, but we all have the OPPORTUNITY TO SHOW OURSELVES on the daily, that we are absolutely up for the challenge!
With all the LOVE,